


「Setsuna Yuki's No Game, No Life」

by Ash0605



Category: Love Live! School Idol Festival ALL STARS (Video Game), Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: All games covered belong to their respective owners, Birthday, Comedy, Gen, Setsuna does game reviewing, Setsuna you dumb nerd, Tags Are Hard, but don't actually take these as proper reviews, possible spoilers for any games covered
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:55:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25783225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ash0605/pseuds/Ash0605
Summary: A corner that introduces games that Setsuna has enjoyed regardless of whether they are new or old. You won't just get the impressions of the game she played, but also the experiences of the club members that watched her. Setsuna will deliver it all to you!#1- Super Mario Odyssey#2- Big Rigs: Over the Road RacingHappy Birthday Setsuna!
Comments: 10
Kudos: 13





	1. Super Mario Odyssey

For this issue, I played Super Mario Odyssey for the Nintendo Switch for the first time. I didn’t grow up playing Nintendo games, or many games at all considering my childhood was so busy. However, I was finally able to play it thanks to Ayumu-chan bringing her Switch to the clubrooms for use after practice.

I hadn’t played any Mario games prior to this, but I do know how they usually pan out. Peach, the princess of the Mushroom Kingdom, is kidnapped by a giant reptile named Bowser. After being defeated amidst the monsters airship, our hero Mario is rescued by a sentient hat creature named Cappy, who he teams up with in order to travel the world, catch up to Bowser and save Peach. Along the way you pick up power moons which you use to power your ship to keep up the chase.

The core mechanic of this game is the capture ability. Cappy functions as Mario’s hat, and Mario can toss his hat onto unsuspecting enemies to control them. He can then utilize their abilities to travel around, find secrets and fight other enemies. You can capture a goomba and make him jump on top of other goomba’s to make a stack, you can possess a small bird to poke enemies and walls with its beak, you can even control a manhole cover! Unfortunately, you can’t use it to beat Bowser into submission, which is what he deserves considering he shows no respect for women.

The kingdoms you visit vary from steampunk forests to Mexican styled deserts. My favorite was Bowsers kingdom, which I was told was just a generic lava level like it is in other games only for it to be a Japanese imperial style palace, perfect for a final showdown. Thanks for misleading me Kasumi-chan! The moons you collect in these places are found in varied ways too, such as defeating bosses, special jumping challenges, entering areas with a specific costume and playing jump rope. I spent the best part of an hour going for the jump rope moon, and I was not leaving the kingdom until I got it, much to the dismay of my friends.

The controls in this game feel solid. Mario moves at a good pace and he has a lot of tools at his disposal to travel around, such as long jumps, backflips or sideways somersaults. You can jump three times in succession to do a triple jump to gain more height, then throw your cap and dive onto to it to bounce a bit higher, then throw your hat and dive onto it again to cross huge gaps! Or at least that’s what the speed runners I watched did. I tried those same jumps and failed, causing everyone in the club to laugh at me. If I had a Switch of my own I’d make you all eat your words!

The thing I liked the most about this game is the feeling of a genuine adventure. You chase Bowser across the entire world, visiting many different kingdoms along the way. Bowser isn’t just fleeing from you either; he’s preparing for his wedding and the bosses you fight in each kingdom are a direct result of his actions there. I fought the guardian of an ancient ring which Bowser took and an alien machine collecting flowers for his wedding bouquet, to name two examples. It really feels like an epic journey across the world!

\----- What do the other club members have to say? -----

“ _The only thing I hated about this game was the 2-player mode. You play as Cappy. Seriously Nintendo? I can’t play as Luigi? I don’t care about his balloons??? The year of Luigi was 7 years ago yet Nintendo are already acting like it never existed._ ” - Ayumu Uehara

“ _My favorite kingdom was the one made up of realistic food! I wonder what a kingdom made out of Kasumin’s bread would look like? You can’t eat it though! My wondrous subjects need a place to live~!_ ” – Kasumi Nakasu

“ _The fashion in this game is a part I didn’t expect myself to enjoy. Theres all sorts of cool clothes for Mario to wear, from samurai armor to chef outfits to dapper tuxedos. Not that I saw any of them though. As soon as Setsuna-chan found the sombrero and Mario’s swimsuit she refused to change out of them for the rest of the adventure. I hope you have more fashion sense if you play!_ ” – Karin Asaka

“ _Mario falls asleep if you don’t move for too long in game. If you’re interested in knowing about Kanata-chan’s daily mood you won’t get a better example than that._ ” – Kanata Konoe.

“ _I could speak at length about how much I love this game, but I’ve been told to keep it short. My two favorite moments are towards the end of the game and I recommend you go into them unspoiled._ ” – Rina Tennoji

“ _I said ‘Ai Ai!’ every time Setsuna-chan set off to another kingdom and I don’t regret any of those times, even if the laughs turned into exasperated sighs by the end!_ ” – Ai Miyashita

“ _Mario is a man of few words, yet he offers so much in return. I’d compare him to my dog but the others told me that would be weird, so I hope you can still understand my meaning regardless._ ” – Shizuku Osaka

“ _My favorite kingdom was the forested one. I’m normally used to forest areas, but I wasn’t expecting to enjoy the mechanical themes so much!_ ” – Emma Verde

“ _I believe there’s a speed run category for this game called Nipple% where you buy the swimsuit as fast as possible. Wait why are you writing that down?_ ” – Club Manager

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic was inspired by the game review corner Setsuna did for the May issue of Love Live Days, where she reviewed Call of Duty Warzone! A translation of the original by @StrikeSlike on twitter can be found here: https://mobile.twitter.com/strikeslike/status/1262094320573861894
> 
> The original corner wasn't very long, so I expanded it a bit and included quotes from the other members. Please don't take this as a serious game review! I consider taking game buying advice from AO3 equivalent to taking financial advice from 4chan, so please look at regular reviews if you want to see if a game is worth buying.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! If you have any comments or feedback feel free to leave it here! If you have any game suggestions I'll happily ~~consider them~~ pass them to Setsuna!
> 
> I hope you have a good rest of your day and I wish you the best in staying safe!


	2. Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing

I was going to play a different game for this issue, but a game Rina-chan told me about had to take priority. I played Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing on the PC for the first time. Our journey starts in a map called ‘Forgotten Road 1’ in a truck called the ‘Megaone’. I would also like to say that every menu in this game has no sound, which was an underwhelming first impression compared to what Rina-chan and Ayumu-chan had told me.

From what I can tell your only goal in this game is to race against another AI truck driver, passing through checkpoints as you go. This game was made in 2003, yet I feel that the graphics feel especially weak despite this. I don’t remember anything about the map I played, which is probably why the map as a whole was called the ‘Forgotten Road’.

Though, it’s very hard to care about the maps at all when you drive through literally everything. The truck zips straight through trees and buildings like its nothing and you don’t drive on top of any of the bridges, the truck favoring the steep valleys below. All of these realizations got a small amount of laughter from the other club members, though the novelty wore off quickly.

The maps are decently sized, yet you won’t venture beyond the dirt roads as there’s nothing to find in the mountains. All the checkpoints were on the main path, yet they weren’t compelling either. With 3 checkpoints to go, the club democratically decided to venture off the beaten path to look for something else.

That something else came immediately, as we found the truck sauntered up mountains and rocky cliffs effortlessly. This got a wide-eyed reaction from the rest of the club, and a knowing chuckle from Ayumu-chan. Rina-chan said nothing, but was there really anything to be said? The elevation feels unnecessary considering we found nothing else of value in the mountains and found no challenge climbing them.

Then Rina-chan made her suggestion. The suggestion that turned this game from nothing into something. “You should try reversing Setsuna-chan.”

So I did. It took about 5 seconds for us all to realize that reversing was faster than going forward. As the sound of the engine became higher pitched, the entire club exploded into laughter; Karin-chan and Emma-chan were clutching each other for support and Kasumi-chan fell off her chair laughing. I think I saw Rina-chan and Ayumu-chan attempt and miss a high five too, which makes me think they were pushing towards this all along. In my own laughter I let go of the reverse button, not realizing immediately that you come to an instant stop. That restarted our hysterics. At this point, the club next door visited to make sure we were ok.

We immediately agreed to test the limits and see how fast we could go. Who cared about the race or the AI opponent? Bigger things were calling. I taped the reverse button down securely and watched the truck speed up. During this process, the truck left the boundary of the map, after which it stayed on some kind of invisible terrain instead of tumbling into the abyss. Ayumu-chan said something about parallel universes and building up speed for 12 hours, but I didn’t understand what she was getting at. I was just hoping it wouldn’t take 12 hours.

Luckily, the entire playthrough lasted about an hour, during which we climbed to million, a billion, then a trillion miles per hour. Eventually our speed was anything beyond what we could comprehend, and then the game just ended. All we got for our efforts was a static screen displaying ‘YOURE WINNER’.

Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing is one of the worst video games ever made. For this reason you absolutely shouldn’t play it, but for the same reason you absolutely should. It probably wasn’t worth the hour we spent considering we could have been practising instead, but we still got something out of the experience overall.

\----- What do the other club members have to say? -----

“ _I played this with a good friend of mine one evening, and we ended up disturbing everyone else in our dorms when we started reversing. One more fun fact: the only reason the AI moves is because of a patch issued after the games release, before which it just sat there._ ” – Ayumu Uehara

“ _The only entity allowed to have a billion of anything, let alone more, is this truck. Get lost billionaires._ ” – Kanata Konoe

“ _This game really helped me appreciate mountains and hills. The views at the top and the climb to get there are so important and I don’t want trucks like this ruining that._ ” – Emma Verde

“ _The reason why the game ended when it did was because we hit 12.3 undecillion miles per hour, which is 28 times faster than the speed of light. At this point the game considers you to be everywhere at once, causing you to light up the checkpoints and win the game instantly._ ” – Rina Tennoji

“ _I’m not even going to say anything about the game as I don’t think anything else needs to be said. I will say that when Setsuna wrote ‘democratically decided’, she actually meant decided on her own._ ” – Kasumi Nakasu

“ _I wonder how it must feel to drive a truck like that going in reverse. What hell must the driver be going through at a billion miles an hour?_ ” – Shizuku Osaka

“ _My favorite bits were when the truck stopped straight away after reversing, and when it took Setsuna-chan a few seconds longer than the rest of us to realize. The look on her face was priceless!_ ” – Ai Miyashita

“ _It was a lot of fun holding onto Emma-chan as we laughed at the truck reversing. It felt nice to have a cuddle with my roommate. I have no comments about the game itself._ ” – Karin Asaka

“ _This seems like a good use of time considering we have a live in two weeks._ ” – Club manager

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't actually played this game, but I know how bad it is. Setsuna will be playing bad games too. I want to take this notes section to ask whether it would be fair to cover games I haven't played myself. This isn't a genuine game review, but I understand that most competent game reviews involve the reviewer playing the game first. It would be a limiting factor that would prevent me from covering some stuff, but I take that any day if it makes this more genuine/fair.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! If you have any comments or feedback feel free to leave them here! If you have any game ideas feel free to leave them and I'll happily ~~consider them~~ pass them to Setsuna!
> 
> I hope you have a good rest of your day and I wish you the best in staying safe!


End file.
